I got this from my mom in my e-mail last night; one of her friends sent it to her. I just had to pass it along:
Something for Stevie
If this doesn’t light your fire, your wood is wet!
I try not to be biased, but I had my doubts about hiring Stevie. His placement counselor assured me that he would be a good, reliable busboy. But I had never had a mentally handicapped employee and wasn’t sure I wanted one. I wasn’t sure how my customers would react to Stevie.
I’ve been doing this job (parenting) for 8,925 days, and I still suck at it. You’d think with all of the on-the-job training I’ve had, I would have figured things out by now, but noooooo – it’s always something new, and it seems to take forever for the light bulb to finally go off…..
The latest escapade involves library books. Now, with the first 3 girls, it was relatively easy to find books when they were overdue – just pick up the last 3-4 inches of accumulated clothes, school papers, toys, what have you, and lo and behold, there they would be. Did I mention I’m a LOUSY housekeeper? My philosophy is that “Dust is a protective cover for furniture.” (It’s worked for me this long; I’m not about to change…..)
I had my semi-annual teeth-cleaning today. My dentist is a cool guy – he and I have a running “rivalry”. He knows I’m an Aggie, so he ALWAYS puts me in his “Longhorn” room for cleanings.
Well, I got him back good today – I took out my labelmaker and made up 2 labels. One said “Hullabaloo Caneck Caneck!” and the other one said “Gig ‘Em Aggies!”
The hygienist took great delight in helping me to find places to put them. One of the other gals in the office saw them as soon as she walked in; the dentist never even noticed them.
I think his staff is going to have a lot of fun seeing how long it takes him to figure out they’re there….
OK, this is great.
Warning: Be sure and pee first before you read this……
Life as a child growing up in Texas…
Author Unknown
Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40-horse Farmall tractor tire will take 6 rounds before it goes down?
Tough sumbich..
Got this in my e-mail this morning from my aunt, and had to share it with all of you (this was forwarded to her by someone else – it’s just one of those funny stories):
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse. Yesterday, my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:
March 6th is a very important day in Texas history, as it is the day that we commemorate the fall of the Alamo, a pivotal event in the Texas Revolution which was the beginning of the end of Mexican rule.
A dear relative, who I just love to pieces, passed along an e-mail to me today. While the intent of the original is well-meaning, I really and truly feel that a lot of people today jump in with both feet before they think about what they are proposing. Here’s my response –
I just have to jump in and put in my $.02 worth:
The “original” e-mail is from a “West Coast Friend” – think about that for a minute. Does this original e-mail sound like something someone who has run a business would be suggesting, or something that some hippy-dippy tree-hugging trust fund baby who has never owned a business thought would be a groovy idea?
This is just my feeble attempt at fictional humor, egged on by a friend’s Zombie stories. Not being from the South, he failed to realize that what I wrote was sheer White Trash poetry.
It isn’t often that one can read a literary “masterpiece” that combines the Circle K, moonpies, RC Cola, mullets, and White Rain in just a couple of paragraphs….
I told him I managed to make a “best of” here – I included all of the hackneyed cliches of the Southern trailer park in 250 words or less:
We took Rebecca to see “Gnomeo and Juliet” last night, and it was very good – a blend of William Shakespeare meets Elton John. We saw it in 3-D, and Rebecca kept reaching out to try and touch everything. She was giggling the whole time.
Mr. TiFW and I had fun catching all of the “Shakespearean” references – the “Rosencrantz and Gildenstern” Moving Company truck; the “Out! Out!” line followed immediately by another character saying, “Damn Spot!”; the “Verona Lane” where they lived; the abandoned “Lawrence” property where they can meet on neutral territory; etc. It was all very cleverly done.
The Fat Lady Has Sung
