Sunday Funnies: Texas Declares War on the USA

The President was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.

“Hello, Mr. President,” a heavily accented southern voice said. “This is Archie, down here at the Joe’s Crab Shack in Houston, Texas.  I am callin’ to tell ya’ll that we are officially declaring war on ya!”

“Well, Archie,” the President replied, “This is indeed important news!  How big is your army?”

“Right now,” said Archie, after a moment’s calculation, “There is myself, my cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from Hooters. That makes eight!”

The President paused. “I must tell you, Archie, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.”

“Wow,” said Archie. “I’ll have to call ya back!”

Sure enough, the next day Archie called again. “Mr. President, the war is still on!  We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!”

“And what equipment would that be Archie?” the President asked.

“Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry’s farm tractor.”

The President sighed. “I must tell you, Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I’ve increased my army to one-and-a-half million since we last spoke.”

“Lord above”, said Archie, “I’ll be getting back to ya.”

Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day… “Mr. President, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an’ modified Harold’s ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four  boys from the Legion have joined us as well!”

The President was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. “I must tell you, Archie, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes.  My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I’ve increased my army to TWO MILLION!”

“Oh Lord,” said Archie, “l’ll have to call you back.”

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. “Mr. President! I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war.”

“I’m sorry to hear that” said the President. “Why the sudden change of heart?”

“Well, sir,” said Archie, “we’ve all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a few beers, and come to realize that there’s just no way we can feed two million prisoners..”


If you are a TEXAN, you won’t even need to be told to pass this on.


About Teresa in Fort Worth, TX

A short, fat, over-the-hill, happily-married mother of 4 daughters. I know just enough to get myself in trouble....
This entry was posted in Humor, Just Because, Sunday Funnies, Texas, The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth, Think about it and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Sunday Funnies: Texas Declares War on the USA

  1. glendalejohn says:

    Very funny! And, I am not even from Texas.


  2. Sally says:

    Very funny, and I’m not even from America.


Leave a Reply (Please be nice - my mom reads my blog!)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s