This is Marriage

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The other day, a friend of mine asked how we are doing since Michelle died, and the truth is that we are doing OK. We have both been kind of surprised (and honestly, wondering if there is something wrong with us) because we haven’t had the gut-wrenching aftermath reaction that we were expecting.

Some very kind people are afraid that we are repressing our emotions and have suggested that we see a counselor, but we tell them that we think that every emotion – and then some – was experienced in the four days between that first phone call and her last breath.

We talked about the hard stuff when no one else was in the hospital room. Or when we were in the car. Or in the hotel room at night. We were given the gift of time.

Nothing was left on the table, and every decision – from stuff at the hospital, to the choice of funeral home, to the choice of the service venue – was made together. We even found ourselves completing each other’s sentences, just like we do at home.

And like Paul said on that first night, we are going to get through this together, and not let it pull us apart (the statistics on marital breakups after the death of a child are abysmal).

I almost feel like consulting a therapist would be like bringing a third person into our marriage. What we have been through has almost felt – for lack of a better word – “sacred”.

It is our own special experience. We went through it together, and we don’t want an outside observer – who doesn’t even know us – clomping around in that special place, attempting to dissect everything.

I don’t mean to say that we haven’t been or won’t be upfront with anyone who asks; we have poured our hearts out to anyone who will listen, and will continue to do so.

But at its core, there was a silent sharing that took place between the two of us that will always be just ours.

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About Teresa in Fort Worth, TX

A short, fat, middle-aged, happily-married, mother of 4 daughters. A former high school valedictorian (way back in the Stone Age), a Civil Engineering major in college, a middle-of-the-road Conservative, and a moderate Methodist. I know just enough to get myself in trouble....
This entry was posted in Family, Inspirational, Just Because, Think about it and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to This is Marriage

  1. My heart still cries for y’all. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You get to handle your process however you want to, as individuals and as a couple. There’s no right or wrong way to do it.

    I think of you often…

    Liked by 2 people

  3. fredsave1 says:

    I know it has been a while. I am not sure what happened but know that I am truly sorry for your loss.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. Great to see you again!

      Like

      • Michelle was our second daughter (we had 4). She committed suicide by hanging in September. She was “resuscitated”, so we were able to get to the city where she lived and say goodbye. We knew from the beginning that she was not going to make a recovery – we kept her alive long enough for friends and family to say goodbye as well.

        Since we were 3 hours away from home, we didn’t have any of the distractions of everyday life for the four days she was on life support – it was kind of a blessing, in a way.

        People came and visited us at the hospital, and we had a lot of people praying for us and lending us moral support, which made it a whole lot easier for the two of us to face the hard stuff together.

        Liked by 1 person

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