There’s a little football game going on today, so I thought I would share some funny football jokes:

Turkey Tight End

An NFL team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field.  While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded to be given a chance to play at tight end.

Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, ‘You’re superb. Sign up for the season, and I’ll see to it that you get a huge bonus.’

‘Forget the bonus,’ replied the turkey, ‘What I want to know is, does your season go past Thanksgiving Day?’

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The “Other” Football Game

During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the small animals. The big animals were crushing small animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.

At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.

The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, “Who stopped the elephant?”

“I did,” said the centipede.

“Who stopped the rhino?”

“Uh, that was me too,” said the centipede.

“And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?”

“Well, that was me as well,” said the centipede.

“So where were you during the first half?” demanded the coach.

“Well,” said the centipede, “I was having my ankles taped.”

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Local Hero

A famous football player is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fire. A woman is standing three floors up on ledge holding her pet cat in her arms.

‘Hey, lady,’ the player yells, ‘Throw me  the cat.’

‘No, ‘she cries, ‘It’s  too far.’

‘I play football, I can catch him.’

The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves to the quarterback, kisses her cat goodbye, and then tosses him down  onto the street. The player keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him. The cat bounces off an awning and the player runs into the street to catch the cat. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a  spectacular one-handed catch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks into cheers. The player does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his knees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.

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Finding Tickets

Mike had season tickets to the Detroit Lions football games. One year they had such a miserable record that he couldn’t give away two tickets to a game he wasn’t able to attend. While parking at a mall, he decided to leave the tickets under his windshield wiper. “And that worked?” his friend asked.

“Not exactly,” said Mike. “I returned to find six more tickets to the same game.”

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Introductions

The night before she was to attend a celebrity golf  tournament, Irene went to a party in honor of the event. Several of the famous athletes who were playing in the tournament were at the door greeting guests. Among them was Joe Montana, the pro football Hall of Fame quarterback and Super Bowl winner. Shaking Irene’s hand, he said, “Hi! Joe Montana.”

She didn’t know Joe Montana from Joe Six-Pack, so in all sincerity she extended her hand and said, “Irene. Minnesota.”

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Football Makes Sense

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other  over 25 cents.”

Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?”

“Well, they flipped a coin. One team got it, and then for the rest of the  game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’  I’m like, Hello-o-o? It’s only 25 cents!”

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Hope you enjoy the game!