Job Openings Available!

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I saw this yesterday in the comments section at another blog.  I don’t know where the commenter got the original.  I took the liberty of adding some pictures – I hope you enjoy it!

If you or anyone you know is looking for a job right now, take a look at this opening… and please pass it on to anyone you might know.

Base pay – right off the bat – is $174,100 a year. And you don’t need any experience to qualify.

People with all kinds of backgrounds have held this job.

Rep. David Wu (D-OR), accused of an “unwanted sexual encounter” with the teenage daughter of a longtime friend

Carpenters, police officers, accountants, taxi drivers, volunteer firemen, musicians, dentists, engineers, farmers, nurses, bank tellers, ministers, driving instructors… Even a tollbooth operator has held this position.

And little education is required, either. Twenty-seven people currently holding one of these jobs have no more than a high-school diploma. And even that isn’t required. Not even a GED.

Senator Al Franken (D-MN) as Stuart Smalley, a "life coach" character he made popular when he was a cast member on "Saturday Night Live"

Not bad, considering you’ll never have to worry about money again.

In fact, practically every other colleague you’ll meet in this job is a millionaire – or multimillionaire.

Senator John Kerry (D-MA), and his wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry. Combined net assets - over $1 billion

And in addition to an instant six-figure salary, you’ll get three retirement plans. I’m not kidding. This is absolutely true.

You’ll be eligible for Social Security benefits, of course, like everyone else. But you’ll also get a 401(k)-like plan that “matches” up to 5%. And you’ll get an increasingly rare chance to participate in a pension plan, too – a good one.

How good?

Even if you only last five years on the job, you’re guaranteed an immediate, full pension when you retire at age 62… or at age 50 if you’ve worked 20 years… or at any time after you’ve worked 25 years.

You’ll collect nearly 44% of your six-figure salary, depending on how long you worked.

Hard to believe, I know… especially these days. So please, if you know someone with good character who’s looking for a job, listen up… Because the position gets even better…

While most Americans are paying out the nose for health insurance (and getting less of it) this job comes with the best healthcare money can buy. You’ll get to choose from 10 different first-rate plans.

House Democrats, on their way to vote Obamacare into law. Congress is, of course, EXEMPT from Obamacare.

And if you have a pre-existing condition, that’s okay. You’ll be fully covered anyway.

You’ll even have the option of visiting a doctor on site, whenever you want.

Or working out in a top-flight gym – for free…

Or taking a spin in your free “company” car, burning all the free gas you can buy…

Or parking it – for free – at the two regional airports near headquarters, which comes in handy…

Once you get this job, you’ll be able to fly almost anywhere in the world for free… and make even more money while you’re doing it. That’s because you’ll receive a per diem travel allowance… and get to keep whatever you don’t spend – up to $3,000 per trip.

These are just a few of the job’s perks. But here’s the best part…

You barely have to work.

Rep. Charlie Rangel (D-NY). On July 29, 2010, Rangel was charged by the House Ethics Committee with 13 counts of violating House rules and federal laws. He also reportedly owes hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid taxes.

In fact, most of the people who hold this job work only three days a week. And they all enjoy more than a month of paid vacation every year on top of it… often much more.

This may be hard to believe, but it’s absolutely true.

Now, if you’d like to apply for one of these openings, there are only two qualifications:

You must be at least 25 years old. And you have to be a U.S. citizen for at least the last nine years. That’s it.

The only drawback is that you must be willing to travel to Washington, D.C. from time to time. But only when you really want to, between jaunts to Martha’s Vineyard.

Senator Charles Schumer (D-NY) - estimated net worth between $350,000 - $1 milliion

And things get even better…

That’s because the annual salary is not all the money you can make in this job.

You see, when members of Congress leave office, they can still keep spending the PAC money on whatever they please… until it’s gone.

Rep. Steny Hoyer (D-MD), for example, has spent $50,807 this way at the Boulders Resort in Carefree, Arizona.

Rep. Steny Hoyer (D-MD) - estimated net worth between $150,000 - $450,000.

And Rep. Pete Sessions of (R-TX), chairman of the National Republican Congressional Committee, has spent $49,739 at several Las Vegas sites, including Dos Caminos, a restaurant that brags about its “vibrant bar scene.”

Who’s got time to worry about some “debt ceiling” when there’s so much extra cash to burn?

Rep. Maxine Waters (D-CA), currently facing Ethics charges in the US House for steering federal funds to her husband’s failing bank.

But it’s not just about the extra money…

Members of Congress can also increase their existing wealth… in ways the rest of us aren’t allowed.

If, for example, Congress is considering a law that would help or harm a particular industry, members are free to use that information to buy or sell stock. So it’s totally legal for them to personally profit from insider information.

Former Senator (D-NY) and current Sec. of State Hillary Clinton. In 1978 and 1979, Mrs. Clinton engaged in a series of trades of cattle futures contracts. Her initial $1,000 investment had generated nearly $100,000 when she stopped trading after ten months.

The most popular investment among members of Congress? General Electric, in which 82 current members have invested.

GE paid no taxes last year.

Members also get a special tax deduction of $3,000 to write off living expenses when away from their congressional districts or home states. And, of course, the value of most of the other perks is not taxable.

I mean, why tax that income when you can simply add to our country’s debt problems?

Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA), responsible for the Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac housing disaster and the Frank-Dodd banking regulation legislation, among other things.

Let’s face it… Our “representatives ” are officially out of touch. They have no idea how real Americans live on a day-to-day basis.

I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to stop filling up 535 extra gas tanks each week…

Especially when 58% of Congress members are millionaires. And the “non-millionaires” are doing just fine.

The median wealth of a House member in 2009 was $765,010.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) - estimated net worth between $4.5 - $6.3 million, as of 2009.

For a senator, it was $2.38 million.

So let’s be honest…

Despite what they tell us, working in Congress is not a “Public Service.”

It’s a job – an incredibly lucrative one.

The Architects of America's Financial Ruin

 

About Teresa in Fort Worth, TX

A short, fat, middle-aged, happily-married, mother of 4 daughters. A former high school valedictorian (way back in the Stone Age), a Civil Engineering major in college, a middle-of-the-road Conservative, and a moderate Methodist. I know just enough to get myself in trouble....
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11 Responses to Job Openings Available!

  1. Dick says:

    Dear God…
    This is priceless!

    Like

  2. Mom says:

    Very good.
    Mom

    Like

  3. This was a great post, Teresa!!!

    Like

  4. Mom says:

    First ever – glad that you liked it.
    Mom

    Like

  5. Mom says:

    Just for you, my dear. Glad that you liked it.
    Mom

    Like

  6. Your mom is hilarious, Teresa :D

    Like

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